heartbreak
This way seems very hard. Ending the 2013 with tears. Starting the 2014 with tears. It scares me so much. The beginning was already harsh and cruel on me. Its hurt. I would never tells anyone whatever I hope and pray for. Wishes must come with efforts.
When no one knows that I was drowning and walking alone in a dark alley, I cried. I was crying soundlessly as I won't let anyone hurts because of me. I was tearing into parts and fallen into pieces. When I realized that nobody close to me, but He always there to wake me up and giving me hope to always breathe as I can barely breathing.
The nights were always full of tears and the days with troubles. So much troubles ahead. And it happens to me day by day. I always resist myself from asking why does it happen to me, why should it be me, why should it be today and so much whys.
I had a feeling that I was going to keep on sleeping for 48 hours. But I can't. As I woke up, the circle shades surrounded my eyes. It was swollen. There when my mom used to nag me for waking up late everyday. Waking up at noon, got blabbered and blamed for everything wrong I did during the day, aww, It's tiring.
She nagged me and said that she's willing to raise stupid child than a smart child that always caused troubles and burdened her very much. It's hurting that I thought that it would be better if I run away from the house. My mom, she didn't know that I got into troubles. All she thought was her problems and all that matters her. But she never ask me why I'm doing this and what has gotten me like this. She never ask me whether I am okay or not. There, I will look out for my friends and my dear cousin. I always dreamt to have a mom who can be my close friend, that I would spill everything and share my problems. Maybe I don't deserve it.
My mom would never know that I was having a heartbreak cause I never tell her. Because I always smile to make her feel at peace that I can deal with my heartache-troubles. But I can't keep it like this any longer. For how long do I have to pretend that I am strong and always there to smile for everyone ? It matters me now that no one really care about how I feel right now.
When no one knows that I was drowning and walking alone in a dark alley, I cried. I was crying soundlessly as I won't let anyone hurts because of me. I was tearing into parts and fallen into pieces. When I realized that nobody close to me, but He always there to wake me up and giving me hope to always breathe as I can barely breathing.
The nights were always full of tears and the days with troubles. So much troubles ahead. And it happens to me day by day. I always resist myself from asking why does it happen to me, why should it be me, why should it be today and so much whys.
I had a feeling that I was going to keep on sleeping for 48 hours. But I can't. As I woke up, the circle shades surrounded my eyes. It was swollen. There when my mom used to nag me for waking up late everyday. Waking up at noon, got blabbered and blamed for everything wrong I did during the day, aww, It's tiring.
She nagged me and said that she's willing to raise stupid child than a smart child that always caused troubles and burdened her very much. It's hurting that I thought that it would be better if I run away from the house. My mom, she didn't know that I got into troubles. All she thought was her problems and all that matters her. But she never ask me why I'm doing this and what has gotten me like this. She never ask me whether I am okay or not. There, I will look out for my friends and my dear cousin. I always dreamt to have a mom who can be my close friend, that I would spill everything and share my problems. Maybe I don't deserve it.
My mom would never know that I was having a heartbreak cause I never tell her. Because I always smile to make her feel at peace that I can deal with my heartache-troubles. But I can't keep it like this any longer. For how long do I have to pretend that I am strong and always there to smile for everyone ? It matters me now that no one really care about how I feel right now.
