a piece of me
Here, heee.
I'm taking a first step towards being feminine, or should I say a 'ladylike' ? It's not like I'm not appreciating myself being born as a girl. My first thought is, being a girl or a woman are a lot more complicated and undefinable. And I started to keep myself away from the way a girl or a woman should be.
No woman, no cry.
Why? A girl or a woman is very sensible thus becoming a lot sensitive than a man. A girl or a woman loves to think about what others are thinking about her, what others are feeling about her, what others are judging about her, what others are talking about her and so many 'what'. A girl or a woman can easily affected by someone's feeling, though it's just an assumption. Practically, a girl or a woman would cry while watching a Hindustan dramas and all the sad-story-life dramas. Girls and women love to act like a cry-baby?
In fact, once upon a time, I were a cry-baby.
Why?
Because I were a sensible girl.
Year by year passing by, I lived apart from my parents and my families. Living my life as a teenager, making me hate myself for being too sensitive in years ago. I started to hate the cries and stop myself from being a cry-baby. Acting like a young teenager who can easily shot the harsh words at people, can hurt anyone's feelings and didn't seemed so care about other's were doing at that moment. Why do I have to care about other people? Why should I mess my head about the girls' talk, their shopping carts, shoes, online shoppings, branded handbags, fancy dresses and clothes, flowy skirts etc etc. Those were really wasting my time. Totally a waste! As long as I lived it while I can. Live it while we young?
No. Not until now. I have to stop pretending that I don't care about other people's opinions, thinking, feelings and as much as their talking. I was born naturally, purely a girl. A woman to be, in shaa Allah. Yet, a new fresh-start would do me better. Yes, have faith that I can come back to where I should be, like years ago.
Somehow, I thought that being an aggresive person suits me better than being a girlish person. OMG. I can't tolerate it. Until one day, my comrades said,
"you'd finally got your heart and you'd finally feel it"
That was when I had a fight with a friend of mine. She's too sensitive and, too great in jumping to a conclusion without a word. That was the first time I said,
"She doesn't even think about breaking my heart. I tried to keep my mouth shut than burst into a fight that would make her cry louder. But I thought that I can't stand seeing her tears, crying in front of me. I'm still a considerate one. I'm trying. Not to hurt her anymore"
Don't know where had I put my heart at before. Maybe I'm not used to get into a feeling. I mean, a deep feeling. I do, concerning about others feeling and thinking about me. Whenever I spilled out a harsh word towards someone, I will then leave her alone and pretending that I don't even care about her. Maybe she thought that I'm not concerning her and her acts. She would cry so hard because a single word. Perhaps some facial expression and some acts would double her tears. But I believe, words means a lot to her. In a context of a woman/girl, words could describe feelings. If you read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, then you know why women are like that. Women are easily attached to words and thus, making women more like a theoretical and philosophical. Meanwhile, men are more practical and tactical.
To be honest, I am grateful for who I am today. Alhamdulillah 😊 That I finally back to how I supposed to be like. Back to where I supposed to be at.
I'm taking a first step towards being feminine, or should I say a 'ladylike' ? It's not like I'm not appreciating myself being born as a girl. My first thought is, being a girl or a woman are a lot more complicated and undefinable. And I started to keep myself away from the way a girl or a woman should be.
No woman, no cry.
Why? A girl or a woman is very sensible thus becoming a lot sensitive than a man. A girl or a woman loves to think about what others are thinking about her, what others are feeling about her, what others are judging about her, what others are talking about her and so many 'what'. A girl or a woman can easily affected by someone's feeling, though it's just an assumption. Practically, a girl or a woman would cry while watching a Hindustan dramas and all the sad-story-life dramas. Girls and women love to act like a cry-baby?
In fact, once upon a time, I were a cry-baby.
Why?
Because I were a sensible girl.
Year by year passing by, I lived apart from my parents and my families. Living my life as a teenager, making me hate myself for being too sensitive in years ago. I started to hate the cries and stop myself from being a cry-baby. Acting like a young teenager who can easily shot the harsh words at people, can hurt anyone's feelings and didn't seemed so care about other's were doing at that moment. Why do I have to care about other people? Why should I mess my head about the girls' talk, their shopping carts, shoes, online shoppings, branded handbags, fancy dresses and clothes, flowy skirts etc etc. Those were really wasting my time. Totally a waste! As long as I lived it while I can. Live it while we young?
No. Not until now. I have to stop pretending that I don't care about other people's opinions, thinking, feelings and as much as their talking. I was born naturally, purely a girl. A woman to be, in shaa Allah. Yet, a new fresh-start would do me better. Yes, have faith that I can come back to where I should be, like years ago.
Somehow, I thought that being an aggresive person suits me better than being a girlish person. OMG. I can't tolerate it. Until one day, my comrades said,
"you'd finally got your heart and you'd finally feel it"
That was when I had a fight with a friend of mine. She's too sensitive and, too great in jumping to a conclusion without a word. That was the first time I said,
"She doesn't even think about breaking my heart. I tried to keep my mouth shut than burst into a fight that would make her cry louder. But I thought that I can't stand seeing her tears, crying in front of me. I'm still a considerate one. I'm trying. Not to hurt her anymore"
Don't know where had I put my heart at before. Maybe I'm not used to get into a feeling. I mean, a deep feeling. I do, concerning about others feeling and thinking about me. Whenever I spilled out a harsh word towards someone, I will then leave her alone and pretending that I don't even care about her. Maybe she thought that I'm not concerning her and her acts. She would cry so hard because a single word. Perhaps some facial expression and some acts would double her tears. But I believe, words means a lot to her. In a context of a woman/girl, words could describe feelings. If you read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, then you know why women are like that. Women are easily attached to words and thus, making women more like a theoretical and philosophical. Meanwhile, men are more practical and tactical.
To be honest, I am grateful for who I am today. Alhamdulillah 😊 That I finally back to how I supposed to be like. Back to where I supposed to be at.
